I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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