my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
