I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
