im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
