He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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