I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
