I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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