You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
