I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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