i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
