I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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