I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
