champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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