is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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