She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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