On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
