if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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