Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
