you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
