He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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