Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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