I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
