Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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