Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
