FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
