he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
