We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
