sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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