College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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