every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
