I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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