The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
