just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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