I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
