Im at strip club and am horny
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
