Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
