I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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