Ambien. No doubt about it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
