We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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