i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
