I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
