but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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