hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
