I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
