omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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