ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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