I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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