I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
