This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
