he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
