her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
