Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
