Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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