thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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