i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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