Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
