But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
