I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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