Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
